


I Was A Loser Just Like You

by Pa_tr0_clus



Series: Summer 2018 Fanfic AU Bingo [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi Rich Goranski, Bisexual Character, Canon, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay Michael Mell, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Post-Squip, Pre-Slash, Sharing a Bed, Sick Fic, Suicidal Thoughts, This has been sitting in my drafts for like four months, based on a shamchat, expensive headphones, i swear it’s only angsty at the start it gets softer lmao, shamchat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 10:57:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15484257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pa_tr0_clus/pseuds/Pa_tr0_clus
Summary: "At school... there's rumours that you, uh..." Michael shifted in his chair uncomfortably."That I what?""That you fled the country, that you're gay, and, um, I'm sorry dude. That you, died, you know? At Jake's party," Michael said slowly, too awkward to make eye-contact."I wish I did," Rich muttered to himself.Michael heard Rich's muttering. "Seriously? Do you, uh, want to talk about it? I can, um, kinda empathise..."-Michael goes to visit Jeremy in the hospital after the SQUIPcident, and ends up getting to know the real Rich Goranski instead.





	I Was A Loser Just Like You

Rich's eyes fluttered open and he peered around blearily upon him hearing the sound of footsteps announcing that someone had entered the room. He presumed that it was just another doctor coming in to ask the same stupid questions like if he was alright. Of fucking course he wasn't alright; he'd tried to kill himself by setting his best friend's house on fire, and lost everything he'd worked towards since softmore year. But it wasn't a doctor, it was that headphones kid; Michael Mell.

Rich glanced up at Michael from his hospital bed. He was faced away from him, seated in a chair that he had quietly pulled up to Jeremy's bedside. Rich watched him silently in a way he prayed to god wasn't creepy, his face flushing pink. The heart monitor he was hooked up to sped up which panicked him slightly, not wanting any doctors to burst in thinking he was dying. Michael was wearing is usual bright red hoodie and his hair was a tousled mess, making him look like he had just woken up and rushed straight over to visit Jeremy.

'God, he's so cute,' Rich thought absently and then immediately panicked, as if he was expecting his now-dead SQUIP to shock him for thinking that. Fuck he's totally bi.

Michael sighed, watching Jeremy curled up and sleeping in his hospital bed.

"God, please be alright Jere," he muttered under his breath, before remembering that there was another person in the room. He decided to be polite, even though he'd never really talked to Rich before, besides being borderline bullied by squipped-him, so turned his chair around to talk. "Hey, Rich. How're you holding up?"

Rich flushed darker. "Fine, fine!" He said quickly. Fuck, he didn't want to be rude and turn away but the state of his face was giving away a lot more than he wanted. "You know, it isth- " And the lisp is back. Super. "It's hard."

"At school... there's rumours that you, uh..." Michael shifted in his chair uncomfortably.

"That I what?"

"That you fled the country, that you're gay, and, um, I'm sorry dude. That you, died, you know? At Jake's party," Michael said slowly, too awkward to make eye-contact.

"I wish I did," Rich muttered to himself.

Michael heard Rich's muttering. "Seriously? Do you, uh, want to talk about it? I can, um, kinda empathise..."

"Dude, I've done some fucked up sthit. Everyone hates me. And if they don't, they're just pretending they care about me. Too fuckin busy to visit. Asstholes. Even Jake doesn't want to see me, and I understand why, I mean, I burned down his house, but it still sucks to be all alone. Maybe my SQUIP was right, maybe I'm just too fucked up for anyone to care about me." Rich didn't plan on spilling all his feelings to Michael, but since when did anything he ever do go to plan?

Michael frowned. "Dude, no one hates you. From what I heard, everything you did was your SQUIP's fault anyway, like teasing me and Jere. So, uh, I forgive you for that. I'm sure SQUIPless Goranski is awesome."

"But look at what my SQUIP did to Jeremy," he said with a voice full of guilt, looking away. "I'm terrible."

"I'm sure Jere forgives you. The SQUIPs just fuck you up. I'm so glad I never had one," Michael shuddered at the thought.

"I'm sorry," Rich's voice was small.

"Everything's okay, man. No need to apologise," he smiled at Rich.

Rich managed to shoot Michael a feeble smile in return. "So, what's your deal then?"

"What?"

"You sthaid you could empathise, so, what's up with you?"

Michael was taken aback by Rich's sudden confidence. 'I guess the SQUIP had some lasting effects,' he thought to himself.

Michael moved his chair so that he was sitting next to Rich's bed. "You- you can't tell anyone this, especially not Jeremy," Michael's voice was low and urgent.

Rich nodded as much as his cast would allow, looking at Michael with rapt attention.

Michael glanced over his shoulder to check that Jeremy was still asleep before taking a deep breath and speaking to Rich. "The night of the fire, at the Halloween party... I snuck in. I wasn't invited, so I hid in the bathtub. I needed to talk to Jeremy, to convince him that the SQUIP was bad news, and eventually he came in, and I warned him, god I must've looked like a maniac.

"I was just so desperate for Jeremy to understand that the stupid floppy-disk in his brain could kill him, I couldn't lose him, Rich, I couldn't deal with that. But he- he wouldn't listen to me, even though his SQUIP was off, and- and he called me a loser and left. He left me. I wanted to- I wanted to- just, so bad. And then the fire happened a- and I couldn't move, I was so scared, so conflicted, that I just couldn't. Fucking. Move."

Michael was shaking badly, his voice strained and tears filling his eyes.

"Woah, woah, Michael, calm down, I'm sthorry I asked, I'm so sthorry," he reached out his arm and gently took Michael's hand in his own, in an attempt at comfort. "I'm sure Jeremy only said that stupid sthit because of his SQUIP, I'm pretty sure that you two are platonic soulmates. What's up with you two anyway? What is he, your boyfriend? No judgment. Just curious. Totally bi now." Rich added the bi part in even though Michael probably already knew, because rumours always come from some truth, don't they?

"No we're- we're not together, I mean I love him and he's my best friend in the whole world, but he's straight and I don't feel that way about him anyway. I'm, uh, I'm gay though." Michael's voice still shook slightly but he seemed to be calming down, gripping Rich's hand. After a slight pause of hesitation, Michael said, "I remember you from freshman year."

Rich rolled his eyes. "No-one remembers me from freshman year. I was such a loser that people literally think that I didn't even go Middle Borough til sophomore year."

"No seriously dude, I remember you. Short kid, mop of brown hair, wore the baggiest clothes in all of existence..."

"Thanksth for reminding me what a fucking messth I was! Look, if you're just here to insult me you can fucking leave dude," Rich's tone immediately turned icy and dripped with sarcasm.

"...Also super cute." Michael smiled slightly.

Rich felt his heart flutter and he slowly sat up to face Michael properly. "What?"

"Freshman year we were in the same English class, and I thought you were super cute," Michael admitted, speaking cautiously.

"W- why did you never talk to me?" Rich's mind was whirring, thinking about how different things could have been.

"Truthfully, I was kinda scared. I wasn't out yet, and just seeing you made me feel all fluttery. Aaaand then you became a total jock and started hanging out with Jake and I just- I knew I had no chance."

Rich smiled cheekily. "Stho I'm not cute anymore?"

Michael blushed. "Oh no you're definitely still adorable dude. Jeez, that was really gay, did I actually say that out loud?"

Rich laughed, even though it hurt his chest.

Michael gently squeezed Rich's hand, reminding him that their fingers were still intertwined.

"We could have been friends, y'know?" Rich lamented slightly.

"Well, we could be friends now?"

Rich stared at Michael in disbelief. "A-after everything I've done, why would anyone want to be friends with me? Especially sthomeone like you?"

Michael raised an eyebrow. "Someone like me?"

"Yeah, y'know, someone like you, who is... kind, and- and smart, and deserves more than someone as fucked up as me." Rich shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"Well, I disagree. We're friends now, like it or not," Michael said cheekily.

"It's a good job I like it then," Rich admitted.

"Okay as much as this is hella sweet and making me feel all warm and happy, it's getting a bit too mushy for a conversation between two teenage boys." He held up his free hand in a stop motion, showing that he was half-joking.

"Okay, okay, I'll sthop." Rich smiled warmly, praying to whatever deity that might have been listening that he wasn't being extremely obvious for the feelings he apparently had been suppressing for Michael fucking Mell.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while until Michael broke it with a loud yawn.

"Tired?" Rich teased.

"Yeah I- " Michael yawned again. "I didn't sleep, I just... stayed up til it was visiting hours so I could see Jeremy."

Rich was immediately concerned for his new friend. 'Damn, it feels nice to say that he's my friend,' he thought.

"Not that I'm one to talk, but that's not exactly a healthy thing to do dude."

"Yeah well, I needed to see Jerm. I didn't want him to wake up and have the first thing he sees after the whole SQUIP thing to be no one there for him.

"I get that his dad has work so can't be here, but apart from him, Jeremy doesn't have anyone but me, and as of late he didn't really have me either." Michael smiled bitterly. "Wait, Rich?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

Michael looked uncomfortable. "Have- have your parents been to visit you?"

Rich huffed in annoyance, more at his parents than at Michael. "Do you honestly think that I would end up getting a SQUIP and changing every part of my personality to get peoples' attention if I had loving and supportive parents?"

Michael winced at Rich's bitter tone. "I'm sorry, bro. I shouldn't have asked. If it helps, I have two moms who I'm sure would love to pseudo-adopt you. That's what they did with Jeremy after his mom left."

'So he uses humour as a coping mechanism. Huh, noted.' Rich thought.

"But then we'd be like brothers and it'd be weird!" He pointed out.

"Oh? Why would that be weird?" Michael teased.

Rich cursed under his breath as he felt his face flushing. "Fuck, uh, I don’t know- no reason?”

‘Maybe because I think you’re awesome and adorable, and because this fluttery feeling when I see or even think of you might end up turning into an actual crush in the future and it would be like pseudo-incest?’ Rich groaned internally.

“Okay then,” Michael said, winking as if he knew exactly what Rich was thinking. It was suave and possibly (‘hopefully,’ Rich thought cheekily) flirty, until Michael yawned wide again.

Rich weighed up his options and eventually sighed in defeat. “God, you’re going to kill me, Mell. C’mon, get up here.”

“Huh?”

“C’mon, you need sleep and you’re obviously not going to leave this room til you’re forced. I have a bed, I’ll move over, get up here dude.” Rich shuffled over and patted the space beside him.

“Pft, friends for like twenty minutes and you already want to spoon? Damn you move fast, dude,” Michael joked, covering up the fact that he was nervous because, well, Rich seemed like a really cool dude and Michael didn’t want to weird him out and lose him.

Rich rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man, just sthleep.”

Michael climbed onto the bed, careful to not jolt Rich, and lay down next to him, their sides touching from shoulder to Michael’s knee, which was where Rich’s legs went up to. “Wow you’re tiny, man.”

“I will kick you in the shins if you don’t shut up and sleep.” Rich leant his head on Michael’s shoulder, softening the threat.

“Fuck you dude that’s so violent,” Michael muttered, falling asleep almost immediately, with Rich following shortly after.

* * *

 

“What the fuck?” A soft voice asked from across the room.

Michael opened his eyes and looked across the room, a smile immediately brightening his face. “Jeremy! You’re awake!”

Jeremy had propped himself up against his pillows and was staring in confusion at the small boy curled up against Michael’s side. “Are you guys a thing? I thought Rich was straight? Wait I thought he died in the fire on Halloween? Jeez, what else did I miss?”

Michael laughed. “So much, man.”

“What happened? All I remember is that noise, and... ”

Michael grinned. “Oh man, it was genius! They were communicating with each other – they were linked! Which means... when you consider the kind of high-frequency sonic disturbance needed to wipe a system that powerful...”

“Michael. Rich is asleep and my head still hurts.” Jeremy winced at how loudly Michael was talking.

“Right, ah... Turns out you didn’t have to destroy every Squip. Just one. And the rest...” Michael mimed explosions with his hands. “BOOM!”

“Thanks, Michael. After everything I did I didn’t deserve you saving me,” Jeremy said.

“Damn, is it a universal SQUIP side-effect to think you don’t deserve help? Because that actually sounds legit, and that’s super fucked up. Like I told Rich earlier, the SQUIPs just fuck you up, it’s not your fault.”

“Well, thanks again, man. But hey, uh, you and Rich snuggling? What’s that about?” Jeremy smirked.

“We- we’re not, together or anything! Seriously, I mean he’s cute and yeah I maybe have had a bit of a crush on him freshman year, but, uh. I don’t know, maybe something could happen in the future, when we know each other better, y’know?” Michael babbled, flustered.

“Sooooooo, what you’re saying is that you kinda like him but you’re trying to be rational about it?”

Michael nodded. “Pretty much yeah. But hey, he’s bi, so like at least I have a shot.”

“I’m happy for you, Mikey. But could you please call a doctor in here so I can find out what the hell is going on before you go back to spooning your not-boyfriend?” Jeremy smiled teasingly at his best friend.

“Glad to have you back, buddy.” Michael winked and shot fingerguns at Jeremy before carefully getting off of Rich’s bed and walking out into the corridor and bringing back a tall nurse who was pulling a plastic cart of tools in front of her.

“Hello there Jeremy, I’m just going to do some routine tests, please wait while I set up my equipment.” The nurse said in a bright and cheerful voice, and started busying herself prepping a needle, presumably for taking his blood.

Jeremy looked past her across at Rich’s bed, which Michael had just climbed back into and nuzzled his face into Rich’s neck.

“Night night, Lover-boy,” he called over, suppressing a laugh at how smitten Michael was with Rich already.

“Shut up, you dork.” Michael sighed happily, falling back into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Summer 2018 fanfic au bingo part two: sharing a bed


End file.
